Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
