I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
