the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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