I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
