I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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