but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
