My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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