Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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