I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
