how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
