Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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