So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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