I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sex in a hospital.. check
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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