At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
