I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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