He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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