do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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