My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
