Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
