I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
