Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
