New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
