I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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