Is it normal to miss your booty call?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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