Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
