Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
