i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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