Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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