I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
