i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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