you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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