Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
