i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
