I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
