i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
