My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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