I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
