I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
