Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
