I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize