You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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