Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
