dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
