you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
