I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
