Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
