If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
