sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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