the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
