Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
