Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
