1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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