Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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