it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
