Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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