I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
