So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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