He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
