it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
