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Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
