It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
