Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
