if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
