Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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