I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
