Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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