Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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