your room smells of hookers.
And success
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
