if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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