His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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