haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
